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Archive | May, 2012

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When to Join a New Social Network

Too many People - The Anti-Social MediaPeople are making more social networks and normal people don’t  know what to do with them. I should know, because these networks send me every awful press release they write.

FaceSpace just passed 200 users! We’re going to beat Facebook in the next millennium!

Yeah. Right.

So with so many crazy social networks popping out of every God-forsaken corner of the internet, how do you know when it’s time to join one of these new fangled social networks?

You know a social network is worth its meddle when the network can be described in a  clear and concise way. If it takes paragraph, or two, OR FIVE, then you know there’s a problem.

It’s even worse if it’s described as, “It’s like that other crappy social network, but it has a feature that appeals to Linux users.”

Kill me now.

You should join it if you actually know living, breathing people on there. Social networks with only a handful strangers are sad, lonely places. And knowing people means you might actually come back and find something you like.

What does it take for you to join a new social network? Well, you know, besides a hundred dollars.

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The Worst Facebook Ad Ever

I get bad Facebook ads every. single. day. Normally, they target me with awful stereotypes  because I’m gay. There’s nothing more exciting than logging into Facebook and seeing your newsfeed surrounded by an underwear party.

Well, actually, that is pretty exciting, if you know what I mean.

Then I got this image in a Facebook ad for a job searching tool:

A Very Scary Facebook Ad Image

Oh. My God.

This is the stuff of nightmares. Now, when I look at Facebook ads, I see this:

The Stuff of Nightmares - The Anti-Social Media

Who in their right mind chose that image? It makes me want to stay the hell away from that ad and Facebook. For all I know, I’ll click that ad and I’ll be floating in a sewer with Tim Curry.

Please Zuckerberg – Take this terrible dream away.

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Facebook Wants Your Delicious Organs

Delicious Brains - The Anti-Social MediaFacebook announced users could list themselves as organ donors on their timeline. This was met with immediate praise by zombies, cannibals, and people who are too short-sighted to see the awful truth behind this move.

Soon, Facebook will become OrganBook. Doesn’t that have a lovely ring to it?

Whatever the case, this is just another invasion of user’s privacy. Here are a few of the truly awful reasons Facebook wants you to declare that you are an organ donor

  • Facebook is turning us into  flesh-eating zombies – Do you find yourself mindlessly scrolling the newsfeed? As we lose our conscious thoughts to Facebook as we develop the taste for delicious brains, and we need to know where we can get that next meal.
  • Facebook is writing an organ meat cookbook – You can’t rely on just on source of revenue, and it’s going to take a lot of liver to feed 800 million people.
  • Mark Zuckerberg is actually Hannibal Lector – They’re both ridiculously smart, obsessive, and able to mess with our minds. Zuckerburg already kills everything he eats. How long until he has a taste for human?
  • Facebook is breaking into the black market for organs – Again, this diversifies Facebook’s revenue stream. Don’t mind that gaping wound. You said you wanted to donate a kidney!
  • Facebook is on a public health crusade – After oragns, Facebook asks people to share whether they are diabetic, have cancer, or are HIV positive. Pharmaceutical companies  salivate as they advertise directly to the patients who desperately need their medicine. “Like” this post to win free dialysis!
  • Facebook is making a market for cheap and plentiful organsRepo! The Genetic Opera doesn’t look that silly. And you can pay with Facebook credits!
  • They just want to help people – Yeah. Right.

You’ve already given your heart, mind and soul to Facebook. Don’t be surprised when they come for your flesh next month.