About Jay

Jay Dolan is the blogger and social media maverick behind The Anti-Social Media. A sought after speaker and writer, Jay has worked tirelessly to make social media better, or at least a bit funnier. He lives and works in Raleigh, NC with his cat Chibi.
Archive by Author
Too many People - The Anti-Social Media

When to Join a New Social Network

by on May 14, 2012

Too many People - The Anti-Social MediaPeople are making more social networks and normal people don’t  know what to do with them. I should know, because these networks send me every awful press release they write.

FaceSpace just passed 200 users! We’re going to beat Facebook in the next millennium!

Yeah. Right.

So with so many crazy social networks popping out of every God-forsaken corner of the internet, how do you know when it’s time to join one of these new fangled social networks?

You know a social network is worth its meddle when the network can be described in a  clear and concise way. If it takes paragraph, or two, OR FIVE, then you know there’s a problem.

It’s even worse if it’s described as, “It’s like that other crappy social network, but it has a feature that appeals to Linux users.”

Kill me now.

You should join it if you actually know living, breathing people on there. Social networks with only a handful strangers are sad, lonely places. And knowing people means you might actually come back and find something you like.

What does it take for you to join a new social network? Well, you know, besides a hundred dollars.

Comments { 0 }
The Stuff of Nightmares - The Anti-Social Media

The Worst Facebook Ad Ever

by on May 10, 2012

I get bad Facebook ads every. single. day. Normally, they target me with awful stereotypes  because I’m gay. There’s nothing more exciting than logging into Facebook and seeing your newsfeed surrounded by an underwear party.

Well, actually, that is pretty exciting, if you know what I mean.

Then I got this image in a Facebook ad for a job searching tool:

A Very Scary Facebook Ad Image

Oh. My God.

This is the stuff of nightmares. Now, when I look at Facebook ads, I see this:

The Stuff of Nightmares - The Anti-Social Media

Who in their right mind chose that image? It makes me want to stay the hell away from that ad and Facebook. For all I know, I’ll click that ad and I’ll be floating in a sewer with Tim Curry.

Please Zuckerberg - Take this terrible dream away.

Comments { 1 }
Delicious Brains - The Anti-Social Media

Facebook Wants Your Delicious Organs

by on May 9, 2012

Delicious Brains - The Anti-Social MediaFacebook announced users could list themselves as organ donors on their timeline. This was met with immediate praise by zombies, cannibals, and people who are too short-sighted to see the awful truth behind this move.

Soon, Facebook will become OrganBook. Doesn’t that have a lovely ring to it?

Whatever the case, this is just another invasion of user’s privacy. Here are a few of the truly awful reasons Facebook wants you to declare that you are an organ donor

  • Facebook is turning us into  flesh-eating zombies - Do you find yourself mindlessly scrolling the newsfeed? As we lose our conscious thoughts to Facebook as we develop the taste for delicious brains, and we need to know where we can get that next meal.
  • Facebook is writing an organ meat cookbook - You can’t rely on just on source of revenue, and it’s going to take a lot of liver to feed 800 million people.
  • Mark Zuckerberg is actually Hannibal Lector - They’re both ridiculously smart, obsessive, and able to mess with our minds. Zuckerburg already kills everything he eats. How long until he has a taste for human?
  • Facebook is breaking into the black market for organs - Again, this diversifies Facebook’s revenue stream. Don’t mind that gaping wound. You said you wanted to donate a kidney!
  • Facebook is on a public health crusade - After oragns, Facebook asks people to share whether they are diabetic, have cancer, or are HIV positive. Pharmaceutical companies  salivate as they advertise directly to the patients who desperately need their medicine. “Like” this post to win free dialysis!
  • Facebook is making a market for cheap and plentiful organs – Repo! The Genetic Opera doesn’t look that silly. And you can pay with Facebook credits!
  • They just want to help people - Yeah. Right.

You’ve already given your heart, mind and soul to Facebook. Don’t be surprised when they come for your flesh next month.

Comments { 6 }
Give up while you're ahead.

Content Creation is for Chumps.

by on April 24, 2012

Give up while you're ahead. You’ve probably heard from so-called content marketing gurus that you need to create your own original content to succeed online.

That’s all lies.

Unique ideas are for people who are too dumb to figure out how to repurpose someone else’s work. Someone else has already had your original idea. Now just make it work for you

Stop creating. Give up while you’re ahead. Just steal everything you need.

No one wants original content. Nobody wants to be entertained or educated. They don’t want to be delighted. They just want to see the same crap, day in and day out.

So get to work remixing and repurposing. Nobody will mind seeing the same idea over and over and over.

How are you going to steal someone else’s work today?

 

Comments { 8 }
What is social media - The Anti-Social Media

Social Media is like Something

by on April 23, 2012

What is social media - The Anti-Social MediaHave you heard about social media? Apparently, it’s a hot new thing, like Web 2.0 or the Information Superhighway.

Well, I haven’t heard about social media yet, so I did some research. Social media is like something, but nobody know what that something is. For example:

What. The. Hell.

Make up your damn minds! What the hell is social media like? A strategic game? Sexy clothing? Marshmallows covered in a fattening condiment?

Social media is anything. Whatever you want social media to be, social media can be it.

Just don’t make social media chess-playing, ranch covered marshmallow in a string bikini. Someone already has that twisted fetish covered.

Comments { 12 }
I Love Whitespace - The Anti-Social Media

I Love the White Space

by on April 18, 2012

I Love Whitespace - The Anti-Social MediaIn an effort to remain relevant when so many people would rather it just die, Google  rearranged the deck chairs on the Titanic redesigned Google+ last week.

The redesign did not bring any major new features. Exciting new features would be too logical for Google+ to compete against the likes of Facebook, Twitter, or Pinterest.

Instead, Google+ brought the white space.

Other social networks fill every inch of your screen with needless crap and advertisements. Google+ reminds you to breath and relax with a huge swath of warm, white screen.

Embrace the white space. Love the white space. Make the white space a part of your very core.

For soon enough, the white space will be filled with contextual advertisements that suck the very soul out of your circles.

Comments { 4 }
Google Plus Marketers - The Anti-Social Media

Why you Need to be a Google+ Expert Right Now

by on April 17, 2012

Google Plus Marketers - The Anti-Social MediaGoogle+ has lasted nearly a year. That’s seven years in dog years, or like 10 years in social network years.

If it keeps this up, it’ll be in the pantheon of useful social networks. Perhaps it will suffer a better fate than what happened to Google Buzz, Ping, and, lord help us all, Quora.

So, now that it’s here to stay and will never change again, it’s time to start offering clients a bunch of services that they could get for free by spending an hour on the platform and  a few hours reading some good social media resources.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with charging people for your expertise when they are just being lazy.

What’s even better is that if Google+ does change again, you’ve now got your client trapped. They’ll need you, the expert, to understand the changes, even though everything works the same but they just changed the colors, or that people can now play Farmville on Google+.

Start advertising yourself right now as an expert on the new Google+. Tell everyone that it’s completely different than old Google+. Tell them that with the redesign brought new features that can bring them improved revenue and engagement.

If anyone tries to shut you down and says that you are a fraud, say that they are lying. You’re a Google+ expert. You know everything.

Duh.

Become the new Google+ expert now before some jerk writes a book about it.

You too can get rich from doing nothing but spewing buzzwords that mean nothing while claiming it’s engagement. Claim your riches. Be the new Google+ expert.

Comments { 8 }
Foursquare Day 2012 - The Anti-Social Media

How to Celebrate Foursquare Day

by on April 16, 2012

Foursquare Day 2012 - The Anti-Social MediaToday (4/16) is Foursquare Day.

Foursquare Day is a bullshit, social media marketing holiday. It’s basically a modern version of a made-up, greeting card holiday. There are a few differences though.

Instead of buying cards, a bunch of social media tools will write tweets and blog posts telling you to check into more crap. Oh, and rather than buying a token gift from the dollar store, you’ll just download the Foursquare app.

So how does one actually celebrate Foursquare Day? Well, the normal way is to pull out your smart phone, and check into locations all around town. But where’s the fun in that?

Instead, I suggest you use Foursquare Day as a way to remind yourself how creepy geolocation technology is. Remember:

  • Every time you check in, someone knows you aren’t home.
  • Every time you check in, your stalker can find you.
  • Every check in paints a geographical picture of your every. single move.

Creepy, isn’t it?

Happy Foursquare Day, suckers.

Comments { 6 }