But the real question is “Do you need it?”
Well, I’m here to help.
Should I buy the new iPad if I have an iPad 1 or 2?
Yes. It’s new, and therefor infinitely better than anything old. You should buy it as soon as humanly possible.
But what if I want to skip this one and get the next iPad?
No, you need this one. Right now. Next year is far away and you can’t live for a year without this.
The iPad 2 is cheaper now at $399. Should I buy that?
No. if you get last year’s model you’ll just look an uncool, cheap bastard. And you’ll be stuck looking that way until you upgrade in five years.
Black or white?
Both. Don’t be racist.
4G or no 4G?
4G. Can you live your life without being connected to the internet? I know I can’t. Get the 4G so you never have to be alone, even for a single, solitary moment.
16, 32, or 64 GB?
Just get the biggest one. You’re going to need space for apps and cat photos.
AT&T or Verizon?
Whichever you consider to be less evil.
Covers and Accessories?
Pimp out that iPad with as many accessories and cases as you can. It should basically look like a blingee.
When should I buy this new piece of magical technology?
Yesterday. Or as soon as you possibly can. Wait out in the rain for months if necessary. And get me a couple too.
What about an alternative tablet, like a Kindle Fire?
No. Just no. There is only the iPad. Anything else is just crap.