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I Love the White Space

I Love Whitespace - The Anti-Social MediaIn an effort to remain relevant when so many people would rather it just die, Google  rearranged the deck chairs on the Titanic redesigned Google+ last week.

The redesign did not bring any major new features. Exciting new features would be too logical for Google+ to compete against the likes of Facebook, Twitter, or Pinterest.

Instead, Google+ brought the white space.

Other social networks fill every inch of your screen with needless crap and advertisements. Google+ reminds you to breath and relax with a huge swath of warm, white screen.

Embrace the white space. Love the white space. Make the white space a part of your very core.

For soon enough, the white space will be filled with contextual advertisements that suck the very soul out of your circles.

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Why you Need to be a Google+ Expert Right Now

Google Plus Marketers - The Anti-Social MediaGoogle+ has lasted nearly a year. That’s seven years in dog years, or like 10 years in social network years.

If it keeps this up, it’ll be in the pantheon of useful social networks. Perhaps it will suffer a better fate than what happened to Google Buzz, Ping, and, lord help us all, Quora.

So, now that it’s here to stay and will never change again, it’s time to start offering clients a bunch of services that they could get for free by spending an hour on the platform and  a few hours reading some good social media resources.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with charging people for your expertise when they are just being lazy.

What’s even better is that if Google+ does change again, you’ve now got your client trapped. They’ll need you, the expert, to understand the changes, even though everything works the same but they just changed the colors, or that people can now play Farmville on Google+.

Start advertising yourself right now as an expert on the new Google+. Tell everyone that it’s completely different than old Google+. Tell them that with the redesign brought new features that can bring them improved revenue and engagement.

If anyone tries to shut you down and says that you are a fraud, say that they are lying. You’re a Google+ expert. You know everything.

Duh.

Become the new Google+ expert now before some jerk writes a book about it.

You too can get rich from doing nothing but spewing buzzwords that mean nothing while claiming it’s engagement. Claim your riches. Be the new Google+ expert.

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Nobody Will Hangout With Me On Google+

Google Plus Hangouts - The Anti-Social MediaI’m a loser. A total, epic, mega loser.

I’ve been on Google+ since it launched in June, and only one person has hung out with me. And that was for work.

Hangouts are supposed to be fun and friendly. They’re supposed to bring your intimate circles together. They’re supposed to be impromptu and spontaneous.

Instead, they just make me jealous.

Why do other people get to hang out with The Muppets, President Obama, and William Shatner? Why am I stuck alone in my apartment with my cat? She doesn’t want to hang out on Google+. She just wants to sleep and eat cat food and hang out on my lap in real life.

And where’s the fun in that?

So let’s hang out. Join me for a Google+ Hangout on Thursday, January 26, 2012 at 9 pm EST on The Anti-Social Media. We can all be losers and talk about cats and coffee and how much we all hate Facebook and Google+. Afterwards, we can all blog about how much we hate hangouts.

But for a few minutes, we’ll be the coolest kids on the internet.

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8 Predictions About Social Media in 2012

2012 Social Media Predictions - The Anti-Social MediaHappy 2012! It’s a new year for marketers to mine more data from our user profiles on social networks. More hyper-targeted ads! How exciting!

Because the internet is fueled on rumors and nonsense, here’s what will happen in 2012. If it doesn’t happen, well it will all be ok. I think.

  • Facebook will change once more, and everyone will hate it. - We all know it will change, and it will suck balls.
  • Twitter will get even worse - Monetizing Twitter will take over idea to allow users to share meaningful messages. Twitter will become filled with crappy more 140 character ads, spambots, and insightful hashtags like #mydickinthreewords. Twitter will only hang on because the mass media will give it more hype than it deserves.
  • Nobody except job seekers and self-absorbed, so-called assholes experts will care about LinkedIn. Oh, and Betty from HR will like it as well. But it’s her job to care about LinkedIn.
  • Google+ will either make it or fail miserably – Time to put up or shut up Google.
  • Quora will go away -  Seriously, it’s still here?
  • There will be at least 20 new social networks that claim to be “Facebook Killers” - No one sane will use them besides Linux users and Android elitists.
  • The entire internet will be absorbed in baseless iPhone rumors - Because our entire existence and worth as a human is based solely on successfully predicting a mobile phone we’ll use for a year until the next one comes out.
  • There will be at least one viral cat video - Wait. There will be hundreds. And they will be the best ones ever.

Honestly, most of that is just expansions of what happened in 2011, but who am I kidding? It’s not like someone will be clever enough to make a successfully monetized social network without a newsfeed and a slew of advertising. That’s just too creative.

So here’s to 2012.  May my Facebook newsfeed be ever filled with sponsored stories!

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What I’m Thankful For

What I'm Thankful for 2011 - The Anti-Social Media

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Google+ For Business: Who Gives a S*&%?

Google Plus Pages - Who Cares - The Anti-Social Media

This is just the innovation social networking needed. Another inbox so businesses can put more of their half-assed press releases and marketing bullshit into our inboxes.

Thanks Google!

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How Boring Is Google+?

Google is Awkward - The Anti-Social MediaI’m bored with Google+. Seriously, what’s happening with it? What is supposed to compel me, the user, to spend a minute and load up the website and then go through all the crap my “friends” posted?

I’m already doing that all day long on Facebook and Twitter. Now you want me to add another place to do that? Sheesh.

As far as I can tell, Google is now focusing on bringing Google+ features to gmail and Google Reader, which I guess is ok enough. And at some point they’ll be bringing business pages, and then most likely, advertisements because barely anyone cares about Google+ and will never be able to find those pages without ads.

But here’s the thing.

My friends don’t hang out there. Many of them likely never will. They’re happy enough with Facebook and Twitter.

And as long as the people I care about are staying somewhere else, that’s where I’ll be too.

What would make Google+ compelling for you? Free money? Hot babes? Or are you happy int he knowledge that you’re giving your precious information to Google instead of Facebook?

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Social Network Features Battle

Before Google+, Facebook was content to muck up users’ lives about once a year with news feed changes or a half-assed profile redesign.

Now, twice a week we have news announcements that go like like this:

Social Network Fetures Battle - The Anti-Social Media

Smart lists. Mobile hangouts. Huddles. News Tickers. Do any of these features really matter to users?

This all sounds like a war for who can push out more crap first, without knowing how users actually user their social network. I’m doubtful there’s a gem that will come out of all these turds.

Screw it. I’m joining not Google+. At least they have their shit together.